If you are a male caring for a family member, you may feel socially isolated in your role. In fact, men represent at least 38% of family caregivers across the nation. You aren’t alone, but you are likely to have different challenges than women do. And, typically, you are also less likely to have sought out the kinds of support meant to ease the stresses of caregiving.
Research shows there are several issues that may complicate your role:
- Household tasks. You may have to take over tasks that you are not used to doing (laundry, grocery shopping, cooking three meals a day). It’s tough to learn on the job.
- Personal care. With bathing, toileting, and dressing tasks, the intimacy is challenging. This is especially true when caring for an elder. But even with your spouse, you may feel inadequate handling daily needs, such as fixing hair. (When possible, men tend to hire others to do these tasks.)
- Balancing paid work. You are likely to be working while also providing care. This is not an easy combination, because you need flexibility. You may feel, as many men in the workforce do, that you must hide your caregiving role—or risk being perceived as less serious about your career.
- Identity challenges. The mundane chores of caregiving can seem emasculating. And the inability to “fix” a loved one’s disease may feel disempowering. Because women are more stereotypically associated with caretaking, you might also find that people don’t trust your abilities. Or they undervalue your contributions.
- Emotional demands. It can be draining to meet an ill loved one’s emotional needs. Even so, it may be your habit and comfort level to keep your world steady by avoiding talk about your stresses.
- Emotional losses. If men were to talk, it’s common for them to get emotional support from someone close at hand. But that person may now be the one needing care.
As such, male caregivers are especially subject to isolation, a stress that adds to the burden of caregiving. Give yourself some relief. Could another family member do a household task with you? Working together may lead to further connection. Hiring professionals might also help. Or perhaps you simply need a relaxed get-together with friends.
Alternatively, seek a support group for male caregivers. There is no shame in needing help. You may find understanding and camaraderie, as well as tips on valuable resources.