As a society, we value independence. The self-sufficient super-achiever. When it comes to family caregiving, however, this mind-set can backfire, resulting in stress and burnout for you, not to mention greater risk for your relative. (Imagine if something happened to you and no one else has really been part of the team, sharing the tasks!)…
Too often, older adults assume that fatigue and trouble breathing are just a natural part of aging or being out of shape. They aren’t. In fact, these can be early signs of heart failure. Heart failure means the heart is having difficulty pumping effectively. As a result, fluids build up, especially in the lungs and…
With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, it’s a good time to consider strategies to prevent your partner from getting overlooked because of your caregiving. Caring for an aging relative definitely affects your ability to nurture your significant other. A poll at caregiving.com revealed that 81% of family caregivers say caregiving tested their marriage in ways…
When caregiving draws us closer to a family member’s routines, we’re sometimes surprised by what we find. Perhaps you’ve noticed that Dad only leaves the house once or twice a week. Social isolation has been shown to be a risk factor for many conditions. Depression. Heart disease. Obesity. Dementia. Should you be concerned? Not necessarily….
Upon a loved one’s last breath, you may find yourself a little disoriented. Respect that otherworldliness. Families often just sit in silence for a while. Or share chuckles and sweet memories, tears and hugs. There is no need to rush to call the funeral director. A body can safely remain at home—or in a facility’s…
A CCRC, or continuing care retirement community, answers the desire to “move just once.” Rather than relocate several times over the course of aging, your loved one can stay on one campus. Even as care needs change. Typically, residents start by moving in to an independent living unit with no support services. When help is…
Each new year’s dawning seems like a nudge to check one’s personal compass. Are you headed in the direction you want to be going? Has life seemed just a frenzied dash through the to-do list? Or maybe your past year was dominated by feelings of frustration or futility. Perhaps you yearn for a sense of…
For many of us, the words “speech therapy” make us think of a classmate in grade school who had trouble because of stuttering. In fact, speech therapists help with many problems that crop up later in life. Consider stroke, Parkinson’s, dementia, and brain injury. All these disorders can affect a person’s ability to find and…
A holiday visit sometimes reveals surprising changes, such as little food in the cupboard, a loved one’s loss of appetite, or his or her unexpected weight loss. Talk with the doctor first. A weight loss of 5% over 6–12 months is considered worthy of medical attention. (For a 130-pound woman, that would be seven pounds….
Whether you are caring for a loved one with dementia or helping a relative with cancer, sometimes the sadness of it all feels overwhelming. Especially at the holidays. The sadness is natural, of course. But you don’t want to get paralyzed by it. Pivoting from the sadness As family caregivers, we need to learn how…
Today, there are many ways to stay in touch with the elders we love. That’s a good thing because research suggests that older adults who are socially engaged enjoy greater happiness and a sense of purpose. Those who are isolated and lonely are at a higher risk of depression, heart disease, obesity, and Alzheimer’s. But…
Caring for a seriously ill family member can lend a tinge of blue to the holidays. It may be sadness that cherished family rituals are no longer possible. Or you may be worried that this year will be the last for a sick or ailing loved one. Perhaps the thought of visiting relatives is simply…
Dietary habits make a big difference in quality of life for people with Parkinson’s. Eating-related symptoms often crop up. For example, difficulties with swallowing. Also, problems with constipation as a result of slow muscle response. And problematic food–drug interactions. On the plus side, some foods can reduce the free radicals common in Parkinson’s. Here are…
The benefits of gratitude are well understood. Studies show, for example, that approaching life from a grateful stance yields a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure, and better sleep. Plus, people who report more gratitude also report greater feelings of joy, aliveness, and optimism. Those who tend toward gratitude experience less loneliness and isolation and…
Are you concerned a loved one may have dementia? If so, be careful how you bring it up. It’s a scary subject! Before jumping to conclusions, gather some information. Ask family members and close friends what they have observed. Have others noticed changes? Think of the issue as one of “brain health.” Brains change as…
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) thickens airways, making it harder to breathe in and get enough oxygen. Damage to the lungs also makes it harder to exhale and get rid of waste gas (carbon dioxide). COPD is characterized by flare-ups that rather suddenly make breathing much more difficult. Often the patient needs to go to…
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a lung condition that gets steadily worse over time. It is often characterized by “flares,” or “exacerbations,” periods when breathing suddenly becomes more difficult. It can be very frightening and often results in a dash to the emergency room. It’s important to know the early signs of a flare…
A stroke usually results in damage to the brain. Some of the effects will be permanent. Others, temporary. Through exercises and practice, your relative may regain many if not all of his or her physical abilities. The emotional toll. What takes most patients and families by surprise are the emotional changes that can come with…
Trusting the body’s ability to heal itself and get stronger: This is the basis of physical therapy. Physical therapists use exercises and hands-on care to reduce physical pain and limitations. Their motto? “Physical therapy brings motion to life.” Their goal is to help people stay active. And mobile! In some situations, physical therapy can be…
While there is no denying the hardships of Alzheimer’s and other dementias, a growing number of families are exploring innovative strategies for including lightness and laughter on the journey. One option is to steal a page from the theater arts—specifically, improvisational theater. In conventional comedy improv, actors are presented with the unexpected and must come…
For many older adults, use of a walker carries great stigma. It’s a symbol of disability and often of isolation. In actual fact, a walker can be the key to staying actively engaged with favorite activities. The benefits of a walker It can bear up to 50% of a person’s weight. (A cane holds only…
Reentry If caring for your loved one was the main focus of your day, after his or her passing, expect a feeling of emptiness to dominate your awareness. In caregiving, you may have given up many personal activities, friendships, and possibly even a career, to accommodate your relative’s needs. This is especially true if he…
Are you happy with your relative’s Medicare plan? If not, fall is the annual “Open Enrollment” period. This is when you can change plans for the coming year. Open Enrollment for 2019 is October 15 to December 7. Even if your loved one likes the current plan, consider any new diagnoses or prescriptions since last…
A surprising number of conditions, from simple to serious, can cause an older adult to fall. If you observed the fall or arrived soon after, find out if your loved one had a warning or felt dizzy beforehand. Any chance he or she fainted? Was the fall from stumbling on an obstacle? Or more from…
“Senior moments” are a normal part of aging. They happen to everyone. We just don’t process things as quickly as we did in younger years. Some people develop significant memory and thinking problems. These people are eventually unable to live safely on their own. Typically, they have a stroke or develop Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease….
Many older adults who have fallen believe it is best to “stay safe” and avoid falling again by restricting their activities. Unfortunately, that’s the worst thing they can do! Inactivity is a path to reduced strength and mobility, which increases the risk of a fall and injury. One of the most important things you can…
Waves of emotions. When a person you’ve been caring for dies, you are likely to have many feelings. Sometimes conflicting feelings. You may find that emotions wash over you unexpectedly, arising suddenly like a wave, and then subside. This is a normal part of life after loss. Grief can be described as a combination of…
If the person you care for has Parkinson’s, you may be surprised to discover the many ways the disease hampers communication. Voice problems alone affect 60%-80% of people with this condition. Low volume and slurred speech may make it hard at times for you to grasp what your loved one is saying. He or she…
These days, most everyone is wondering if they are likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease. If someone in your immediate family has been diagnosed with the disease, you might feel at especially high risk. There is a test for an Alzheimer’s gene (APOE4). But it’s not 100% certain: Not everyone who has the APOE4 gene will…
Walking for exercise is recommended for every phase of life! Walking is the easiest physical activity to engage in, and it brings multiple benefits. The ability to get around readily is often the deciding factor in whether an older adult can stay living at home. Many older adults are hesitant to walk much. If you…
If a person you care for receives a serious diagnosis, it can feel like a gut punch—for everyone in the family. There is no way to sugarcoat such a reality. There are ways, however, to make the emotional journey less traumatic. Grief AND joy Even if your loved one has only months or weeks to…
A personal emergency response system (PERS) can provide peace of mind if the person you care for lives alone. There are many factors to consider when shopping for a device. The need for a personal call button. Is your loved one at risk of a fall or heart attack? If so, you’ll want 24/7 emergency…
Mom taught you to always tell the truth. But in the context of caring for someone with memory loss (dementia), honesty may not always be the best policy. There may be times when the kindest strategy—the one that reduces your loved one’s anxiety or fear—is to omit the truth or bend it a little. This…
Perhaps your loved one is downsizing. Or maybe planning a move to assisted living or a nursing home. He or she may even have passed away… If you find yourself needing to pack up a relative’s belongings, start by sorting them into five categories: items to keep items to sell items to donate to charity…
If your loved one suddenly developed difficulty with speaking, he or she probably has aphasia, typically from a stroke or traumatic brain injury. Slow or garbled speech can be frustrating for everyone. Recovery is enhanced by following the advice of speech and occupational therapists. Your support is invaluable in terms of bolstering self-worth and confidence….
Do you find yourself in a repetitive cycle of reliving an exchange over and over? Reflecting on experiences gone badly is one way we learn. We think about what happened and look for insights that might promote a positive outcome in a similar situation next time. But sometimes reflection can be unhealthy. If you find…
Financial abuse of the elderly is thriving. Advise your loved ones to be on the alert for these common scams: Government impostors Individuals call saying they represent Social Security, Medicare, the VA, or the IRS. They describe a problem with an account. Or taxes owed. Then they ask for name, date of birth, and Social…
Moving into a smaller living situation is a big decision. More emotionally challenging, however, are the many little decisions your loved one must make about what to keep and what to let go. Possessions, from knickknacks to garden tools, hold many dear memories. Letting go of them is like discarding the people or events they…
If the person you care for has a problem with memory loss (dementia), you may find that he or she gets agitated about things that don’t make sense. Your long-retired dad, for instance, may wake up in the mornings and insist, “I have to go to work!” It can be confusing for you. And frustrating!…
Nostalgia has historically gotten a bad rap, viewed as a precursor to feelings of sadness and longing. Emotional downers. Today we know that’s a faulty assumption. Research shows that nostalgia typically brightens mood. This is because nostalgia helps us in many ways: Focus on the positive in our past. People, events, places. We remember good…
Eating, dressing, getting in and out of a chair. In the course of daily life, we use many skills to accomplish even “simple” tasks. Walking or using a fork is surprisingly complex. Nerve signals and muscles have to coordinate in a very specific order. A healthy body is a marvel! We take these skills for…
One common outcome of a stroke or other brain injury is the sudden loss of ability to process language. This disability is called “aphasia” (ah-FAY-zya). Depending on which part of the brain has been damaged, the affected person may have trouble speaking or trouble understanding. Or may have difficulty with reading or writing. Needless to…
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” —Henry Ford It turns out this truism applies to the ways we perceive the aging process itself. Research shows that older adults who view aging as a time of continued learning and development are physically more resilient. They seem to weather a setback and…
If your loved one has Parkinson’s disease, you have likely observed physical symptoms such as tremors, slowed movement, and poor balance. In addition to treatment with medication, evidence is mounting that exercise itself can reduce or delay progression of these symptoms. Even as little as 2.5 hours of physical activity a week. Benefits and types…
If you have a relative with Alzheimer’s or one of many other dementia conditions, it’s natural to wonder about your own risk. While there is no cure as yet, there is increasing evidence that lifestyle changes in middle age may do a lot to delay the onset of memory loss. The plaques and tangles of…
Every adult needs to complete an advance directive (and that means you, too!). It is the health care planning document that medical professionals follow if a patient becomes too ill to speak for him or herself. It gives your loved one the option to name someone as decision maker. And it is the place he…
Worry is useful when it calls us to action. But it’s a problem when it becomes an ongoing state of mind. It can become a habit, bringing tension and stress. If you’re a worrier, you may have mixed feelings. It may seem that worry keeps you on your toes, yet it makes you edgy and…
“Chronic pain” is pain that lasts for 12 weeks or more. The cause is usually nervous system misfiring, like a faulty car alarm system. Often there is no specific trigger, which makes treatment difficult. Chronic pain is common, affecting 50%–66% of adults age 50 and older. Opioid drugs are recommended for pain control in life-threatening…
Everyone with a memory loss condition deserves the opportunity to stay engaged in life for as long as possible. Early in the disease, your loved one will continue to do many things quite well. Your challenge is to balance respect for your relative’s independence with the need to ensure safety. All this while preserving a…
The makers of smartwatches are now designing products for older adults. And they just may have come up with an acceptable alternative to the standard “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” pendant. Perhaps you’ve tried to get your loved one to wear a personal emergency response system (PERS) pendant—only to hear, “No. I don’t…
For those facing a serious—or even incurable—condition, the Internet can seem to be the last refuge of hope. But how can you distinguish a trustworthy website from that of a huckster? “Follow the money” is an important key for deciding if a website is truly unbiased. Start by asking yourself who, what, and why. Who:…
Aging creates so many “new normals.” Even routine activities such as cooking may become challenging for your loved one. Balance issues can make reaching, bending, or lifting a problem. Arthritis often makes it difficult to maneuver pans and tools, turn on a faucet, or twist off lids. Extreme fatigue may sap overall motivation. And problems…
Many of us were raised to believe that the only polite or kind answer is “yes.” But as Dr. Christine Carter, a UC Berkeley researcher, notes, “If you find yourself saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no,’ it’s a recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion.” Not to mention resentment, burnout, and ill health! Ironically, research shows that…
People with congestive heart failure (CHF) often tire easily, especially if they exert themselves. In CHF, the heart is swollen with fluids and cannot beat efficiently. The body’s cells then become hungry for oxygen. If your loved one has CHF, you witness this in his or her fatigue, shortness of breath, and frequent naps. Even…
What do you do when sweet Mom starts cursing angrily? When straitlaced Dad makes off-color remarks? In persons with dementia, these behaviors are not on purpose. They are caused by the brain changes of the disease. If you can’t find humor in the situation, draw on your patience. Believe it or not, your relative is doing…
Bathing brings many discomforts. Bathrooms can feel cold and drafty when a person is wet. And running water can be noisy. Nudity makes bathing very intimate, which can be distressing when a modest person needs help and may not recognize the helper. Plus, bathing is a complicated process with many steps in a specific order….
Many of us admire people who have the gift of remaining calm. Calm as a signature strength is the ability to respond to threats from a place of appropriate confidence. To remain “centered.” It’s not always easy to achieve. Our bodies react to the stresses of modern life—including family caregiving—with the same fight-or-flight hormones that…
No one can keep an eye on another person 24/7. Even in the most vigilant household, a loved one with dementia—Alzheimer’s or other memory disorder—may just find a way to slip out the door. After you have set up strategies to reduce the chance of wandering, it is also wise to pave the way for…
Here’s some good news to start the year! In 2019, we’ll see improvements in coverage across the major Medicare plans. About two-thirds of people on Medicare use “original Medicare.” Patients with original Medicare can go to any health care provider that accepts Medicare. Original Medicare pays for 80% of costs after a yearly deductible. The…
It is natural to fear that a loved one with dementia may wander. Indeed, 60% of people with Alzheimer’s do get restless and head out the door. As a family member, you can’t be watchful every minute. But you can take steps to reduce the chance of wandering. The many triggers for wandering include anxiety,…
When your schedule gets tight, is sleep one of the first things to go? According to the experts, that’s all too common. And it makes about as much sense as deciding to do without food, air, or water. Sleep is that essential. Most adults need 6 to 8 hours of sleep per night. Sleep promotes…
After the hubbub of the holidays and in the darkest nights at year’s end, nature seems to beckon us to reflect. Rather than make a resolution about exercise or diet, consider looking at your approach to family caregiving and personal qualities you might nurture to become more resilient in this role. Psychologist Rick Hanson, PhD,…
Burnout is more than stress. And it isn’t just undesirable. It’s a risky condition. The consequences of burnout include emotional depletion, often leading to depression; reduced resistance to common illnesses, such as colds and flu; increased likelihood of a chronic disease, such as heart disease or diabetes; lack of energy to do what is necessary for…
What to get for the “chronologically gifted?” The age-friendly ideas below address the special interests or concerns of persons in their later years. Providing an experience. Don’t add to household clutter—give an activity! This way, you give the fun of anticipation as well as countless hours of enjoyment afterwards, remembering. Ideally, arrange the gift as…
Does Mom say she feels too weak to exercise? Does Dad run out of breath just walking down the street? People dealing with COPD often believe that exercise will make things worse. Actually, in moderation, quite the opposite is true. Very real benefits. Even people with severe COPD can become more physical. Something as simple…
Sharing happy experiences, like sharing a good meal, warms and strengthens friendships and family bonds. There are other benefits to savoring positive experiences. Even in the privacy of your own thoughts, reflecting on pleasant memories is an easy and effective way to increase your overall happiness. Hard wired to focus on the negative Have you…
Alcohol is a sensitive subject. Consider asking your parent’s doctor or a respected friend to initially bring up the subject. Tell them the reasons for your concern: slurred speech, unexplained falls or bruises. Be specific in your examples. Your parent will have less face to save with a trusted friend or professional than with their…
If the person you care for is a combat veteran, you may not have heard much about those experiences. You are not alone. In generations past, veterans made it a point to put the war behind them and “forget.” But things can take a dramatic turn in later life. As they face the challenges of…
In the tradition of “positive psychology,” we encourage family caregivers to know and use their signature strengths. These personality traits can become reliable tools. Courage, for example, has many faces beyond bravado and derring-do. See if you recognize yourself in these descriptions. Honesty and integrity are facets of courage. Are you a person who insists…
Did you know that 60% of people with flu symptoms leave the house during their illness? Furthermore, 70% of them go to the drugstore. A good reason to stay clear of the pharmacy during peak cold and flu season! Good preparation involves a lot more than a vaccine. Cold and flu germs are highly contagious….
Most hazards around the home are obvious once you are made aware of them. But they are easily overlooked in the course of day-to-day living. Don’t let your loved one get injured because of a simple oversight! Here’s a home safety audit you can do yourself. Lighting. In every room of the house, you want…
If your loved one is slated for joint surgery, don’t underestimate the impact. Expect that he or she will have reduced energy and greater needs. Limited mobility will create surprising challenges. Things you take for granted will need extra care and attention. Plus, the body simply needs time and energy to rebuild bone, muscle, and…
Each of us has strengths . . . and, well, areas that could use improvement. As a family caregiver, you may often feel inadequate. Or guilty. Or think that you aren’t doing enough. Such negative self-assessments are common. A more balanced assessment would acknowledge that you also have qualities that shine. Most of us believe…
Alcohol use is on the rise among older adults. And it’s not easy to spot. Many of the signs resemble common problems of aging. And who wants to think that when Mom stumbles, for instance, it might be because of drink?! There’s a lot of shame associated with drinking, so older adults—especially older women—often hide…
If remaining independent is a goal for your older relative, bringing some balance to his or her life is essential—balance exercise, that is. All it takes is short but consistent focus for Mom or Dad to significantly reduce the chance of a fall. In one study, two 15-minute sessions of balance exercises over a six-month…
Has your mother fallen recently? She’s not alone! One out of four adults 65 and over experiences a fall each year. That makes falls the leading cause of injury for older adults. Falls are serious business. A few grim statistics: In the U.S. an older adult dies once every 20 minutes as a result of…
It’s not easy to lose abilities and admit you need help. The reluctant elder in your life is more likely to ease into acceptance if you provide good listening, compassion, and a commitment to working together. In this third installment of our series, we look at elders’ concerns around privacy and pride. Privacy. Having someone…
When caregiver fatigue strikes, many of us reach for caffeine. Whether it’s coffee, cola, chocolate, or an “energy shot” drink, the effects are immediate. Like a reliable friend, caffeine seems to help us keep going. Pros and cons Studies have shown many benefits from caffeine. It can enhance performance. It increases productivity and elevates mood….
If Mom or Dad has summer vacation plans, be aware that older bodies are more vulnerable to the stresses of travel. Begin with a pretrip appointment with the doctor. Suggest a meeting with the physician 4–8 weeks ahead of the vacation. Ask the doctor to assess overall health for travel. Heart and lung issues are…
We all accumulate belongings over the years. But when is it too much? According to Michael Tompkins, PhD, author of Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding and Compulsive Acquiring, your family member may be in the early stages of hoarding if he or she keeps parts of the home off limits and…
Morphine, hydrocodone, fentanyl . . . with the opioid crisis in our country, it can be scary to hear that a frail or seriously ill relative needs this type of medicine. What are the risks of addiction? Fortunately, addiction is rarely an issue for individuals dealing with cancer or a painful terminal condition. Understanding addiction….
When a loved one obviously needs help at home but refuses to allow it, it’s frustrating! Below are two common concerns, with suggestions for ways to problem solve together. Cost is a very practical barrier. Many older adults feel particularly vulnerable where money is concerned. They don’t want to spend! But the cost of help…
It may be true: Your aging relative needs more and more care. You know you are the best person for the job. But it’s too much to do on top of your own work. Think twice before exiting the workforce, however. There are some stiff financial consequences. For example, if you are midcareer, you are…
When your father struggles to remember a grandchild’s name, should you be concerned? Older adults typically have some memory loss. People with Alzheimer’s disease, however, experience very specific changes in their thinking that go beyond the normal forgetfulness of aging. You might consider a dementia evaluation if your loved one has begun having difficulty with…
It’s a common refrain and the bane of many family members: Your loved one is having trouble, yet he or she refuses outside help. This can put your relative at risk. But if the worst happens and things go south, it also ends up making more work for you. Doubly frustrating when you know it…
Happiness is in our nature. We are born with the ability to be happy. And then life happens. Our life experiences affect our attitude about happiness. They influence how much we believe we deserve happiness or convince us we don’t deserve it. Especially in stressful situations like caregiving, feelings of happiness can be rare! A…
Your relative may have bought long-term care insurance to cover the expense of care when help is needed. Activating the policy takes some lead time. It’s wise to learn all the steps and definitions so you can be strategic with your timing. Types of care covered. Read the policy and see what kinds of care…
It’s difficult to know what to anticipate when traveling with a family member who has trouble getting around. Here are tips from experienced, disabled travelers to reduce your road-trip stress this summer. If your travel includes hotel lodging: Talk directly with the hotel. Many hotel chains have a centralized reservation system. Get a direct, on-site…
If the person you care for has trouble getting around, you can still go on a family vacation. Many of our national parks have special accessibility programs. Our parks are our treasures, and park staff are working to ensure that all Americans have access. To find a park with accessibility services, go to the National…
Unbuckling the seat belt, grabbing the steering wheel, opening the door when traveling. These are not actions that make sense. But for a person with dementia, they seem like reasonable actions to stop a frightening or frustrating situation. When you are the driver, such actions can be dangerous. Your attention needs to stay focused on…
May 30 is Senior Health and Fitness Day, and May is National Arthritis Awareness Month. Sounds like a great time to talk about the ways physical activity can help reduce joint stiffness and pain! Did you know osteoarthritis afflicts more than one-third of American adults over age 65? This arthritis comes on slowly with age…
For youth, summer is pure pleasure. As our bodies age, however, we become less able to maintain the physical “inner cool” that safeguards our health. To avoid heat-related health problems for your older relatives this summer, keep these words in mind: water, air, dress, rest. Signs of too much heat Sweating is our body’s natural…
“When life hands you lemons…” Well, you know the rest. While this adage can feel a bit trite, there is a certain grounded wisdom to it. In fact, researchers at the Mayo Clinic have been studying stress and coping strategies. It turns out there are coping skills that are effective, and others that are not….
Mother’s Day was the brainchild of Anna Jarvis of West Virginia. In 1908, Anna held a memorial service to honor her mother’s deep commitment to love and compassion. Her mother epitomized kindness by caring for wounded soldiers. Far from a commercialized event, Anna envisioned Mother’s Day as a day to show profound appreciation through letters…
Staying in touch with friends and relatives does a world of good for older adults. This is especially true for those who live alone. The ability to easily reach out is important for well-being. And it can make a life or death difference in emergencies. Limitations of aging, however, can make standard telephones difficult to…
Sleep has been underrated. There is no doubt that miracles occur daily in hospitals. But in the race to vanquish disease, simple things like sleep can get short shrift. Choosing Wisely, a white paper by the American Academy of Nursing, has listed several common hospital practices that unintentionally get in the way of a solid…
If the person you care for has received a dementia diagnosis, talk with them NOW about their wishes for medical care at the end of life. It’s a critical time to update their advance care directive. For both your sakes, the sooner you start this conversation, the better. Are you hesitant to bring up the…
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a lung condition that gets steadily worse over time. It frequently involves “flares,” or “exacerbations,” periods when breathing suddenly becomes more difficult. It can be very frightening and often results in a dash to the Emergency Room. It’s important to know the early signs of a flare and to…
If the person you care for has a lung condition, there may be times when breathing is a challenge. Start by noticing patterns: is there a time of day, type of activity, or emotional state that triggers the difficulty? Is the person sitting, lying, or standing? Consider these options: Home environment Remove dust and replace…
In many families, care of an elder relative falls predominately to one person. This typically begins with assisting occasionally for a few hours, and it can be a very loving connection. But as the needs increase, so do the hours. While the care may be given willingly, it does eat into the care provider’s personal…
Our brains are predisposed to feel the emotions of others. This capacity, called “empathy,” fuels our most altruistic acts as humans. And it fosters sweeter and deeper relationships. But it is possible to be overly empathetic. If the doorway to your heart is always open to feeling another’s emotions—pain, sadness, anger, fear—you are on a…
Transportation can be challenging when the person you care for uses a wheelchair. There are two ways to ease the situation. A transport wheelchair If your loved one does not need a wheelchair all the time, consider a special “transport wheelchair.” Transport chairs are easy to lift, fold, and store. They are ideal for running…
For centuries, journaling has been a tool for self-discovery. With reflective writing, your words do not have to be carefully arranged. It’s your private world and your private thoughts. You can ramble. Mention the unthinkable. Explore ideas with no worry about the consequences. Writing as personal therapy Journaling can help us turn a jumbled set…
“The bed is not your friend.” This is the overall message concerning the benefits of walking when hospitalized. In one study, patients who walked frequently were able to go home an average of 36 hours earlier than those who did not walk very much. After staying in bed for just two days, an older adult…
It’s natural to wonder how bad a serious condition is. Will treatment be effective? The prediction of recovery, in medical terms, is called a “prognosis.” Many conditions are difficult to predict. Cancers, on the other hand, run a fairly expectable course. A cancer prognosis, for instance, depends on the cancer. What type of cancer is it?…
Pets often become members of the family. They provide companionship and love, especially for an ailing elder. Your relative may be worried about a pet’s future when he or she is no longer able to provide care. Consider what you can do to make arrangements ahead of time to ease that worry. Formal arrangements Formal…
A stroke is a disabling, and potentially deadly condition. A blood clot gets lodged in the brain, denying blood and oxygen to those cells. In a very short period of time, that part of the brain can be damaged permanently. Depending on the location of the clot, a stroke can impair functions such as speech,…
Surprising but true: Adults over age 65 are candidates for drug overuse and abuse. Drug abuse is not common among elders. And it is often unintentional. But the misuse of prescription drugs poses exceptional dangers. Older adults are prescribed more drugs than any other age group. Roughly 80 percent of those over age 65 have…
“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” So quipped comedian Victor Borge. And indeed, studies bear him out. Laughter, especially when it’s a shared joke, creates a bond between people that generates a feeling of intimacy. Humor reduces tension and lowers stress. It also helps people to think more creatively and come up with…
Taking Mom to visit family this holiday? You may rest more easily knowing there are options for getting home if she gets sick or injured on the trip. Air Ambulance If your family member becomes critically ill, hire an air ambulance. An air ambulance is a chartered plane or other aircraft outfitted with life-support equipment….
If your loved one is worried about having enough money, he or she may be considering a reverse mortgage. A reverse mortgage enables a homeowner to turn some of the equity in a home into cash. You might think of it as an advance payment on the accrued value of the home. An approved lender…
Too often older adults assume that poor eyesight is a given. Indeed, half of us will have cataracts by the time we are 80 years old. But surgery is easier now and extremely effective. The importance of monitoring Cataracts involve a clouding of the lens of the eye. Cataracts develop slowly and require regular checking….
Go to bed when you’re ready, sleep without interruption, and do what you want all day. Ahhh… If you’re providing full-time care for your loved one, you may long for a night to call your own. Better yet, a few days and nights of R&R. An extended respite break isn’t indulgent, it’s smart. Providing care…
If you have family coming to visit this season, you may be feeling both excited and concerned—excited about brightening your loved one’s life with family gatherings and holiday events, and concerned that your loved one may become tired or anxious with the extra activity. It is wise to think ahead about factors that could add…
Providing transportation involves a lot more than having a car and time available. Getting your relative safely in and out of a vehicle can be a special challenge—for your loved one, but also for you. Back problems are the most common caregiving injury! Here are some tips: Don’t rush. Give yourselves 15 minutes extra, in…
It used to be considered normal and harmless for a hospital patient to be disoriented following surgery or while recovering from illness. Studies now show that delirium actually has serious consequences. In particular, it can make memory loss and dementia worse. It can last long after the hospitalization. And it seems to even increase the…
There are many aspects to financial stewardship. A primary goal is to ensure that you are prepared to manage things if a family member is suddenly sidelined. This article provides an outline of the types of information you should gather ahead of time. You don’t need to cover all these topics in one visit. But it’s…
Atrial fibrillation (A-Fib) is when the rhythm-keeper of the heart goes a little haywire. Normally the heart has a steady beat, like a clock. All four chambers contract in sync and blood is efficiently pushed through. During A-Fib, the top two chambers hesitate. They quiver and get out of sync with the bottom two. It…
In October, the National Fire Protection Association reminds us to think about fire prevention and check our smoke alarms. People over 65 are twice as likely as others to be killed or injured by fires. Follow these steps to protect your loved one: Prevention Check that your relative does not overload electrical outlets when space…
If the person you care for has advanced dementia, visiting him or her may feel very challenging. After all, how do you connect with a person who is unable to converse? You may wonder if it is even worthwhile to visit. Research suggests that during late-stage dementia, a person’s core self remains. Much like in…
Nails are important because they protect the delicate tips of our fingers and toes. They are much like hair: new growth is happening constantly. Nails grow in layers, below the surface of the skin. By the time you see them emerging from the base where the “moon” is, the nail cells themselves have died. (That…
The right to choose for oneself is deeply embedded in our culture. It is one of those inalienable rights of adulthood. The courts are very cautious about infringing on that right. You don’t want to be disrespectful, either. And yet you may notice changes in your relative’s judgment that have you concerned. For instance, can…
As a family caregiver, you are likely experiencing many types of loss, each triggering normal, if uncomfortable, emotional responses. Losing the person you love. Illness and frailty can change a person. So, too, can some of the behavior and personality changes that often occur with dementia. The absence of familiar ways to connect may bring…
If you’ve ever had heartburn, you know how painful it can be. Sometimes the symptoms mimic those of a heart attack! The underlying cause involves acid from the stomach sloshing up onto the sensitive lining of the esophagus, the tube that connects the throat to the stomach. This condition is called GERD: gastroesophageal reflux disease….
If a new car is in your future—even just a new-to-you car—look for features that support your role as a family caregiver. For instance, extra room for carrying things can make your job a lot easier! More important, look for features that will protect your back as you help your loved one in and out…
If a new car is in your future—even just a new-to-you car—look for features that support your role as a family caregiver. For instance, extra room for carrying things can make your job a lot easier! More important, look for features that will protect your back as you help your loved one in and out…
Falls due to environmental causes are the most preventable of all threats to older adults. And in that regard, the bathroom is one of the most dangerous rooms in the house. Eighty percent of all falls occur in the bathroom. Slippery floors, hard surfaces, and unforgiving edges are just some of the hazards. Getting up…
We’re all buying products via the Internet these days. Even medications. It’s easy, and online merchants frequently offer bargain prices. Many of us are trying this route for relief from high drug costs. Unfortunately, a study by the National Association of Pharmacy Boards revealed that more than 60% of medicines purchased online are fake or…
As humans, we are hard wired to pay more attention to what’s not working or dangerous than what is going well. For instance, dwelling on a parent’s growing weakness and instability rather than on his or her uncomplaining attitude. This tendency to notice the negative can help us learn from mistakes and avoid preventable problems….
As a family caregiver, you have probably thought a lot about your loved one’s safety. Perhaps you have even gotten him or her a wearable call button for medical emergencies. But what if something happens to you? For instance, a car accident on the freeway? Or a trip-and-fall incident in a parking lot? How will…
Sepsis occurs when the body overreacts to an infection. Its occurrence is on the rise, and it is deadly. You don’t catch sepsis from someone else. It’s a complication of an existing infection—of the lungs (pneumonia), bladder, or skin, for instance. With sepsis, the normal healing process goes awry. A too-massive immune response spreads through…
In some families, money equals love. In others, it’s a measure of success. It’s a sensitive subject, yet it needs to be discussed. Part of supporting your loved one involves understanding his or her thinking about money. After all, something could happen where you suddenly need to step in and manage the finances. Conversation starters….
The request every daughter or son dreads: “Promise you won’t put me in a nursing home.” The child in you wants to provide a soothing answer: “Of course. Never.” Best to pause and think this through first. You can’t predict the future—your loved one’s needs or your own health and abilities. It may be that…
Recovery from a heart attack takes time. First there are the physical and emotional reactions to deal with. A big part of recovery, however, is embracing lifestyle changes to keep the heart as healthy as possible and prevent a recurrence. It takes dedication to change old habits. But the effort is much less than what it…
If your relative has dementia and is wearing mismatched or inappropriate clothing, it’s time to step in. He or she has likely lost awareness of personal appearance. Also gone is awareness of the need for a sweater when it’s cold. Or a lighter shirt when it’s hot. As much as possible, allow your loved one…
People with advanced and end-stage dementia are prone to pneumonia. A lot. This is not the kind of pneumonia you can get a vaccine against. With advanced dementia, the body does not reliably close off the esophagus to prevent inhalation of particles of food or drink. When food or liquid slip into the lungs instead…
Stretched for time? No one knows that feeling better than family caregivers. There’s so much to do and so little time to do it. Although productive and practical, a task-focused visit can inadvertently demean the person you care for. No one wants to be reduced to an item on the to-do list! For the receiver,…
If you are named as health care decision maker for your loved one, you may be called upon to make very important decisions on very short notice. At a time like this, it’s easy, and very human, to get caught up in fear. Fear does not make for the best decisions. If you can, call…
If the person you care for has been hospitalized, you may have noticed an odd-looking device on their bedside table. This is a “spirometer.” Patients blow into it several times an hour to prevent a particularly serious infection: hospital-acquired pneumonia. Hospital patients spend a lot of time in bed. Without activity, fluids build up in…
Anger as an emotion is neither good nor bad. It is a messenger. It can provide energy and motivate you to action. But anger by itself has never solved a problem. The trouble with anger rests on how you respond to its message. Ideally, you want to harness that energy for finding constructive solutions to…
Uncle Sam allows special deductions when medical expenses add up. When to itemize. If the person you care for was 65 years or older last year (2016), he or she can deduct certain medical costs. The costs must total more than 7.5% of adjusted gross income (AGI). For instance, if AGI is $40,000, medical expenses…
The effects of dementia include changes to the way foods taste and smell. A person with Alzheimer’s or other memory disorder may become unable to recognize foods or to know if he or she is hungry or full. Even the seemingly simple mechanics of fork and spoon or chewing and swallowing often become too complicated….
A heart attack is a frightening, life-changing event that affects the entire family. Emotional reactions. The most common reaction is fear or worry about the possibility of another heart attack. Although those who have had a heart attack are at higher risk for having another, only 18% of heart attack patients actually go back to…
Emotional stress, physical fatigue, reduced leisure time, financial draws, and loss of privacy are just a few of the domestic pressures noted in a Caregiving.com survey. But some couples in the survey also reported feeling a benefit: Caregiving prompted a new kind of teamwork that actually strengthened their relationship. Here are some tips: Strive for…
Did you know you are an ecosystem? We humans are naturally full of bacteria. In fact, trillions of them! Mostly they are “good” bacteria that live in our intestines. They help us digest our food. With more than 500 species, they also crowd out the “bad” bacteria that cause infections. These good bacteria are called…
Many family caregivers are surprised to be told to stay in the waiting room when they bring a loved one to an attorney to create a will or trust. This can feel doubly surprising if you are the one paying for the visit! Much as you wish to help your relative, the attorney is actually…
As a family caregiver, you may have made some resolutions for the New Year. And like many people, you may have lost your momentum. All those good intentions… – Call or visit once a week – Fuss less over details – Make time to exercise – Practice gratitude Stop beating yourself up for “lack of willpower.”…
Many people need specialized equipment in order to handle a serious injury or chronic condition. Examples include walkers, wheelchairs, blood sugar monitors, infusion pumps, CPAPs for sleep apnea, and hospital beds. If the equipment will be needed for a long time, it may qualify as “durable medical equipment” (DME). And Medicare may pay for it….
It’s flu season. That can mean pneumonia season is right around the corner. Pneumonia is an infection of the lungs that often develops after a cold or flu. As a general rule, pneumonia can be treated at home with prescribed medications and rest. But sometimes a case is so severe that it requires a stay…
Your siblings, their partners, maybe their kids—everyone’s coming to see Mom and/or Dad. That’s happy news! Should this be business? Would you rather it were pleasure? How about a little of both? With some forethought and planning, you can make their visit meaningful on many levels. Think about what you want. Then be sure to…
How well does your local hospital perform in terms of patient care and safety? Now it’s easy to find out. One to Five Stars. Medicare gathers hospital data regularly. It posts the information on its Hospital Compare website. To make comparisons simple, Medicare created a star rating system. Hospital Compare combines information about as many as…
Do you at times feel like the conductor of an unruly orchestra? That’s not uncommon when caring for a loved one. You are coordinating multiple doctors. Tracking multiple prescriptions. Communicating with multiple family members. Scheduling paid help. It’s a lot to orchestrate! You are serving as a care coordinator. Here are some online tools that…
Recent research indicates music therapy can help people with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). This condition damages air sacs and passageways in the lungs. People with COPD have trouble breathing. They often take quick, gaspy breaths trying to get enough air. The constant breathlessness causes anxiety, as well as trouble sleeping and deep fatigue. And…
Stress has gained a dirty name during the past decades. It’s something we talk about needing to get rid of, as if it were wholly bad. Recent research, however, is showing that stress isn’t always a threat to our well-being. In fact, it provides many opportunities for growth. The very things that bring greatest meaning…
Watch for symptoms of the flu. They include fever, body aches, chills, sore throat, headache, runny nose, cough, and fatigue. Why the flu shot is important. Influenza (flu) is a highly contagious illness caused by viruses. People over age 65 are most at risk of having severe complications. Older adults represent up to 90% of…
Confusion about finances is common among older adults. Balancing the checkbook and paying bills can just get to be too much. Assisting with money matters is something a long-distance son or daughter can do to help. Geography poses many challenges for those who live far away. But managing finances is a fairly simple task, near or…
If you are caring for a frail elder or someone who is largely immobile (in bed or a wheelchair), be on the lookout for bedsores. Bedsores usually appear on bony parts of the body when a person is unable to turn, lift, or shift him- or herself. First, the skin just seems to be red….
All healing begins with an accurate diagnosis, yet errors are common. So common that most of us are likely to experience at least one diagnostic error in our lifetime. The Institute of Medicine reports that diagnostic errors play a role in 10% of all deaths. How we describe symptoms to the doctor can go a…
It is said that touch is our “first language.” As babies, it is through touch that we learn connection, trust, and well-being. Not just for children. Touch is integral to these feelings throughout our lifespan. But older adults have roughly 75% fewer touch receptors than 20-year-olds. In a twist of fate, when we literally need…
Funerals are like weddings: gatherings of family and friends to mark a life passage. They are typically very emotional and can be very sweet. And they can also get very expensive! Plan ahead It’s optimal to talk with your loved one about his or her funeral wishes well before there is a need. Allow him or…
Diabetes is common, affecting one of every four older adults. The condition occurs when the body doesn’t process sugars correctly, leaving too much in the blood. This is a setup for complications, many of them quite serious. To reduce the impact of the most typical complications: Check the feet. Many diabetics experience nerve problems in…
It can be challenging to stay on top of a relative’s medical needs when he or she lives far away. Success depends on three factors: information, cooperation, and communication. Information is essential. Learn the basics about each disease affecting your family member. This way you can understand the doctor and ask good questions. Know the symptoms…
Medicare is health insurance for those over age 65. A surprising number of things that might seem obvious as health needs of elders are not included as benefits. This can get costly! For example, in the normal process of aging, many older adults need glasses, hearing aids, and sometimes dentures. Foot problems are also common….
If the role of “chief caregiver” for Mom or Dad was not one you chose, you are not alone. According to a study by the American Association of Retired Persons and the National Alliance for Caregiving, 49% of family caregivers feel they really did not have a choice in the matter. There are several factors:…
If a person doesn’t drink much water, is it a big deal? In a word, yes! Our bodies are 50%-60% water. The brain is more than 66% water. But we lose 2-3 quarts of fluid daily through normal body processes. We need to replace that by drinking at least 6-8 glasses of water or nonsugar, noncaffeine,…
It’s good news if your loved one is sent to a rehab facility after a hospital stay. It means the doctor expects that, with therapy, your relative might resume usual activities or learn to adapt to new challenges following an injury or illness. The rehab experience frequently lasts several weeks and can be intense. It…
A doctor almost never tells a cancer patient, “You are cured.” This is because many cancers have a pattern of remission (no obvious symptoms) and then recurrence. Nevertheless, one always hopes. So hearing that a loved one’s cancer has come back or has spread (metastasized) can be heartbreaking for everyone. Having gone through the war…
This Father’s Day you may be among the millions of Americans who face the bittersweet reality of celebrating a father who has passed away. Holidays of this sort are especially poignant the first year after a death. Whether your father was a protector, a fun buddy, or a stern judge, his passing has great symbolic…
Most people experience normal changes in vision starting at middle age. Focusing on close work, such as reading, becomes more difficult. Driving at night is challenging. Some changes in vision, however, are signs of a more serious condition. The most common eye diseases of aging include cataracts, glaucoma, and macular degeneration. There are also vision…
There is one thing for certain in the life of a long-distance family caregiver: You are going to travel. And often unexpectedly! You can ease the disruption by acknowledging that you have this “second life,” the one when you are periodically away. By treating it as a given, you can put systems in place to…
Do you want to ensure that Mom and Dad can live safely and comfortably in their home over the years to come? Many seniors want to “age in place.” Remodeling can remove safety hazards and prevent common accidents. It also can be less expensive than paying for assisted living. Plus, making the home “senior friendly”…
This document names a person to make decisions for you in case you are not able to do so yourself. It also gives instructions for care preferences at the end of life. That’s not morbid. It’s simply good medical communication. Recall the heartbreaking cases of young people in tragic accidents who lacked advance directives (Karen…
Even if the doctor says your loved one has no more cancer, the joy of such news may be tempered by worries about the cancer coming back. Although the potential for a return of cancer is real, you can draw on skills learned during the diagnosis phase. When living with uncertainty, stay focused on what…
Loneliness is more than an unpleasant emotion. Older adults who are lonely are also more likely to be depressed and more likely to die at a younger age than their peers. They are also more likely to need help sooner with walking, dressing, and bathing. Loneliness comes about when there is a mismatch between the…
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