Posts Categorized: Family relations

Setting limits: saying “no” nicely

Many of us were raised to believe that the only polite or kind answer is “yes.” But as Dr. Christine Carter, a UC Berkeley researcher, notes, “If you find yourself saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no,’ it’s a recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion.” Not to mention resentment, burnout, and ill health! Ironically, research shows that…

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“I don’t need help” – Part 1

It’s a common refrain and the bane of many family members: Your loved one is having trouble, yet he or she refuses outside help. This can put your relative at risk. But if the worst happens and things go south, it also ends up making more work for you. Doubly frustrating when you know it…

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Mother’s Day without Mom

Mother’s Day was the brainchild of Anna Jarvis of West Virginia. In 1908, Anna held a memorial service to honor her mother’s deep commitment to love and compassion. Her mother epitomized kindness by caring for wounded soldiers. Far from a commercialized event, Anna envisioned Mother’s Day as a day to show profound appreciation through letters…

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When family is paid for care

In many families, care of an elder relative falls predominately to one person. This typically begins with assisting occasionally for a few hours, and it can be a very loving connection. But as the needs increase, so do the hours. While the care may be given willingly, it does eat into the care provider’s personal…

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Empathy: Can you have too much?

Our brains are predisposed to feel the emotions of others. This capacity, called “empathy,” fuels our most altruistic acts as humans. And it fosters sweeter and deeper relationships. But it is possible to be overly empathetic. If the doorway to your heart is always open to feeling another’s emotions—pain, sadness, anger, fear—you are on a…

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The role of humor in caregiving

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” So quipped comedian Victor Borge. And indeed, studies bear him out. Laughter, especially when it’s a shared joke, creates a bond between people that generates a feeling of intimacy. Humor reduces tension and lowers stress. It also helps people to think more creatively and come up with…

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When family comes visiting

If you have family coming to visit this season, you may be feeling both excited and concerned—excited about brightening your loved one’s life with family gatherings and holiday events, and concerned that your loved one may become tired or anxious with the extra activity. It is wise to think ahead about factors that could add…

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Make the most of visiting

If the person you care for has advanced dementia, visiting him or her may feel very challenging. After all, how do you connect with a person who is unable to converse? You may wonder if it is even worthwhile to visit. Research suggests that during late-stage dementia, a person’s core self remains. Much like in…

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“Promise you won’t …”

The request every daughter or son dreads: “Promise you won’t put me in a nursing home.” The child in you wants to provide a soothing answer: “Of course. Never.” Best to pause and think this through first. You can’t predict the future—your loved one’s needs or your own health and abilities. It may be that…

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Preventing a second heart attack

Recovery from a heart attack takes time. First there are the physical and emotional reactions to deal with. A big part of recovery, however, is embracing lifestyle changes to keep the heart as healthy as possible and prevent a recurrence. It takes dedication to change old habits. But the effort is much less than what it…

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